Oh the Joys of Exercise!

My friend, Stacy, (the oh so hilarious one) sent me this email and I thought I'd share it with all of you. Please excuse the language... I try to keep my blog pretty "clean" but sometimes you just gotta say, "What the hay!"

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

------------------------------

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

------------------------------

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

------------------------------

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh#t too.

------------------------------

THURSDAY :

Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny b#tch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

------------------------------

FRIDAY :

I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if
you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the d#mn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

------------------------------

SATURDAY :

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

------------------------------

SUNDAY :

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh#t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend
over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!



Thanks Stacy for always giving me a belly laugh!! I'm going to live longer just because I've met you!! Love ya!!

Jacob's Meet Your Teacher

So Jacob started the 3 year old class this week. HOORAY!! And he was happy to get back to school. On Tuesday, Jodi, Holly and I took our little ones to Meet Your Teacher at their preschool. Jacob had a bit of a hard time at first -- he had fallen asleep in the car driving there. I had to wake him, and those of you with toddlers know.... that's never a good thing. So after a bit of unhappiness, he finally came around and had fun with his friends. Walton, Reese & Baylor seemed to love it from the start. Here's a little slideshow of their day...

Catching Up...

I've been so busy lately with my new business that I neglected my blog a little. I think my kids would argue that I've neglected them a little, too. Macy even called a family meeting on Tuesday to discuss Mommy & Daddy's "busy-ness"! She was so sweet. Here's an excerpt from the meeting:


MACY: Mom, we're really glad that you've started your new business and we're really proud of you, but we don't feel like we're spending any time together anymore."

MOM: Macy, you're right. Mommy told you I would be crazy busy the 1st month and then things would settle down. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks, so just hang in there.

MACY: But MMMOMMMM! IT FEELS LIKE F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!!

MOM: (Laugh) I know, Macy. When you're a kid and your mom is really busy it does feel like forever. But I promise I'll stop working after you get home from school and we'll do some special things together.


So we've spent the last few days after school getting her guitars fixed, eating desserts at Ms. Stacy's restaurant, going to the Guitar Shoppe for her first guitar lesson (which, by the way, I think was the highlight of her ENTIRE life!), eating at Chappy's after school, playing outside a little more, and a few other fun things. I can already tell they feel better. Whew! It's hard to be a mom -- sometimes it feels almost impossible to please them all!

So, back to the neglected blog... I'll catch you up on a few of the latest family facts. Madison and her dad went to the new Sports Academy store and bought a little toy archery set. By that afternoon, Madison was doing so well and was getting so obsessed with it that she & her dad went back to the store to buy the real deal. That's my Jonathan... he'll do just about anything to go back to a sporting goods store! But in his defense, he is also obsessed with his "bomb and arrow" (as Jacob calls it), and it's very exciting to him to find something he & Madison enjoy doing together. She spent most of the last weekend in the backyard hitting the target... and then, it happened... she hit the bullseye! Boy, was she ever on cloud nine!

And Jacob has all of a sudden been drawing like the left-handed little artist that he is!! I used to try all the time to get him to draw a person because Macy blew me away even before she was three by drawing her first person. It was a circle with eyes and a line for a mouth, 2 arms and 2 legs. I was amazed, and I still have the drawing. So when Jacob got to be about that age, I'd say, "C'mon Jakey, draw Mommy a person. Draw a circle, eyes, arms...." and he would look at me like I was looney.

So this week, he was sitting in my lap while I was on the computer working and he asked to draw. I took out some computer paper, gave him a pen, and didn't think very much of it. Then he says, "Mommy, I drew a monster." I took one look at it and couldn't believe what I was seeing! It was fantastic! Then he drew a man, and the next day he drew another monster for me. Take a look at these....














I don't know about you, but to me, that's impressive. And I had no idea! The profile of the man was shocking to me -- he's barely three!!! OK.... I'm biased.... I know.... it probably looks like chicken scratch to everyone else, but I'm his mommy and I think he's perfect.(well, sort of...)

Glad to be blogging again... I missed my old website!