Jonathan and I have had such a blissful, relaxing, peaceful time together. It really does remind me of when we were dating. The first night we were home from Huntsville we made dinner together. It was amazing to both of us how simple that process was.... no fussing about what we were making.... no "but I don't want to eat now.... I want to stay outside playing with my friends...." I told Jonathan when we sat down to eat, "Well, in fifteen more years we can do this every night." He laughed and said, "Fifteen years! Is it really gonna be THAT long???"
Maybe that sounds awful, and I'm sure that if given a few more days I'd probably really start missing them. But you know, it's a real job to be a stay-at-home mom. And one we really never get a break from. Being a stay-at-home mom is 24/7 on-call- all-the-time. Most of the time, I feel blessed to be able to stay at home with my children.... but every once in a while it's great to just be able to be yourself again.... I've been Amanda for the last few days. Just Amanda. What a strangely liberating feeling that has been.
Unless you've been a stay-at-home mom for many, many years I'm not sure my sentiments could be understood. I wouldn't trade this job for anything.... I wanted to be the one raising my children full time all the time, and I know that I am very lucky to be able to do just that. It's just so easy to lose yourself in the process and just focus on the kids. So over the last few days, I've found a little of the old me.... I feel refreshed and energized and almost ready to jump back in the chaos again..... wish me luck!
So on my last day without them home, instead of the normal To-Do list for the day, I thought I'd make a list of...
The 10 things I Won't Be Doing Today....
1. Let's see..... I won't be waking to the familiar sound of Spongebob on TV (goodness how I hate Spongebob!)
2. And I won't be arguing the merits of oatmeal and fruit for breakfast to 3 munchkins who believe with all their hearts that a bowl full of Oreos is the Breakfast of Champions....
3. I won't be telling Macy for the 100th time to brush the knots out of her sunscreen-laden hair (that, of course, she promises she washed the night before!)
4. I won't be interrupted yet again when I'm on the phone by a squirmy child just dying to say.... "But he just touched my lego spaceship, Mom!"
5. I won't be finding Transformers and Spiderman swimming in a gloopy concoction of shampoo, water and shaving cream.... in a bowl in the den I might add....
6. I won't walk into the bathroom to find any more unflushed "surprises"
7. I won't be cooking dinner only to find that all of my mixing bowls are outside by the pond with hundreds of tadpoles swimming in them....
8. I won't be in the laundry room with Goof-Off some Shout and bleach scrubbing diligently on Jacob's brand new polo trying to get the permanent marker stain removed
9. I won't be going into Madison's room finding yet another sports bottle filled with moldy, week-old juice or better yet.... I won't be finding a chewed-up red gummy under the sofa cushions only to hear a child say, "Well, I don't really like the red ones...."
And the very best part of my last day alone....
10. There will be absolutely no fights to break up, no bottoms to wipe, no tantrums to ignore, no mud tracks in the house, no sand in my bathtub, no toys in my shower, no special lego-man head to find, and no carpooling whatsoever!!
But I also won't see their smiling faces and find myself laughing at their silly antics and I surely won't be getting any kisses from them -- now THAT I do really miss! And then tomorrow I will go get them.... and hug them with all my might.... and know that life is back just the way it's supposed to be -- the way it should be -- and I will again feel very blessed to be a stay-at-home mom.
